Having a "blended family" myself, I can say that it's not always easy. There are lots of challenges and hurdles to get through. A lot of times, second marriages don't work out because the parents can't figure things out. I don't consider my husband's kids to be my step kids, but my kids...my Bonus Kids. I always wanted a big family and now I have one without having to give birth to half of them!
When first forming a blended family, the kids may tend to be cautious at first, which is normal. They may also go through an on and off phase with the Bonus Parent. Just be patient and keep showing them that you care. Younger children tend to adapt easier than older ones, who tend to be afraid of betraying the other parent's feelings. In time, everyone will adjust...some will take longer than others.
The Bonus Parent should step in as a parental figure, but don't over do it, especially at first. It is never a good idea to distant yourself from the children, and never force them to call you 'Mom' or 'Dad'. If they want to, they will. Children need good role models in their lives, so you can teach them to be respectful to you by showing them respect. Also, don't ever put the children in an awkward position by bad mouthing their parent(s). It will only make them want to go into defense mode and push you away too.
One of the most important thing is to make them feel loved. Really, thats what every child wants is to be loved. The very best thing for the children is when all parents and Bonus parent(s) work together and communicate. Communication is very important to avoid problems, such as who is picking the children up from school, extra-curricular activities, how the children are doing in school, etc. One-on-One time with each child will mean a lot to them, and make them feel special. Each parent and Bonus Parent should rotate One-on-One time with EACH child, not just with their own.
The most important advice is to stay connected with your partner. The children will adjust better and faster if they see their Bonus Partner and their parent happy and getting along. Avoid arguing infront of the children as well.
We believe that we were meant to be together, and that all of our children were meant to be on this earth as well. We may have started our lives on different paths, but came together as one to raise our children together with love and happiness.
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