Your Spirit

Some days I just sit here and wait. Wait for you to come and take me to where you are, but realize you're not ready for me yet. So I wait... As I wait I realize that I am needed here more. Every day I wish that you were here...here to give me guidance, but most importantly, I wish you were here so that my children could know the best, most amazing woman I am fortunate enough to thank for my upbringing.

Your last breath is my most painful memory. My body may have been across the room, but my spirit was next to yours. My eyes may have been watching, but my soul was melting. That last, deep breath knocked the spirit back into my own body and threw me onto the floor as sorrow filled my soul. As I sat on that floor, I waited...waited for my own breath to be taken. But it wasn't my time.

Many years have past, but I remember like it was yesterday. What gives me peace is knowing that you are still here...in spirit. Your spirit watches over my family and I and protects us from harm. Your spirit shines the sun and makes the moon and makes the stars bright. Your body may have been tired, but your spirit will live on and be loved forever...


**Posted on The Columbus Creative Cooperation website.

A Parent's Love

"A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided"
                                                     --Robert Brault

By now I'm sure that everyone has heard that Michelle Duggar miscarried while expecting her 21st child (would have been 20th surviving child).  After the premature birth of Jim Bob and Michelle's 19th surviving child, many people were outraged that they were expecting yet again.  I personally, was happy for the family. Having a child is such a joyous and wonderful experience! Many critics negatively say that it's unfair to the children to have such a large family...that their children are raising children.  The fact of the matter is that their children love having such a big family and that the older children don't think of it as raising their siblings, but doing their part as a family.  Each child also believes that God will bless them with as many children as He sees fit. Jim Bob and Michelle are raising well behaved, respectful children.  This family does not use food stamps, welfare, or any other government assistance, so really it's not any one's concern how many children this family wants or has!

The latest controversy with the Duggars regarding their family, is the controversial image of their stillborn fetus, named Julibee Shalom Duggar.  Many comment that it is inappropriate, while others feel that the Duggars are setting an example for other parents that have suffered such a loss.  The images were taken by a nonprofit organization intended for the private use of the family, which they decided to share with the public.  The artistic images help families with their closure and peace. 

My personal condolences go out to Jim Bob, Michelle, and the rest of their family.

With the death of my Grandfather occurring, I can't stop thinking about my Grandmother.  How is she going to handle losing the love of her life?  and living alone in her house? and taking care of herself and the house?  and how is her own health going to be in the near future? 

Working in the medical field, I often worry when someone (particularly an older woman) loses their significant other, whom they have known or been married to for most of their lives.  My Grandparents have been together for 40+ years.  I just couldn't imagine how much of a basket-case I would be if I lost my husband after 40+ years of being inseparable. 

"The Broken Heart Syndrome", also called "Stress Cariomyopathy", is triggered when a traumatic event such as this occurs. Someone with this syndrome will have heart attack- like symptoms including chest pain, shortness of breath, etc. Women are 9 times more likely than men to have the broken heart syndrome, especially women 55 and older. No one quite knows why women are more likely than men...perhaps because we tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves more-so then men.

Just thinking about my Grandparents and their amazing relationship, it just reminds me to not take my own life and relationship for granted.  I have a wonderful, loving husband, amazing children that I cannot get enough of, and I couldn't ask for a better life.  Don't take life so serious!  This is the time that we should be building lasting memories with our kids.  Pick your battles and show them more positive attention, no matter how mad they make you.  Don't nit-pick everything your significant other does, show more appreciation no matter what.  And don't let a day go by without telling your significant other and kids that you love them. 

 Have you ever had a feeling that something just wasn't right?

This evening before dinner, I decided to write out our Christmas cards...I know, I know, I shouldn't have waited until the last minute.  When I got to my Grandparents' card, I paused, not sure how I should address the card. My Grandfather has not been doing well lately, and the fact was that he could pass away at any time.  I held my breath and wrote out both of their names.  The rest of the evening went as planned with preparing dinner, eating, cleaning up, getting ready for work (I work nights), and leaving.  I decided to give my Grandmother a call since I haven't been able to get a hold of her for the last two days, and to my surprise, she answered.  First thing out of her mouth after "Hello", was "Grandpa's gone."

My heart sank.  We all knew that the time was coming, but you still can't ever prepare yourself for the news when you finally get it.  He lived a long, happy life of 90...91 in January.  He was such a great man, and will always be loved and missed very much.

Now as I sit here, I need to figure out how to tell my children that Great-Grandpa's passed away.  My children understand pretty well, in the basic terms anyhow, about death.  When someone dies, their heart stops beating, and they stop breathing, then their body goes to the cemetery while their spirit goes to heaven...

Some parents debate about whether it is appropriate to bring young children to viewings/funerals.  In the past, we have opted not to bring our children.  When my other Grandfather passed away earlier this year, we did take our youngest (about a year old at the time), but he was/is too young to understand. 

At what age would you take your children to a family member's viewing and/or funeral?